Moms want to be cool, and want their sons and daughters to like them, but sometimes they cross an unsafe line.
Adena Bank Lees, author of “Covert Emotional Incest,” is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, Licensed and Internationally Certified Substance Abuse Counselor, Board Certified Expert in Traumatic Stress, and Certified Psychodramatist. She is an adjunct faculty member of the Arizona Psychodrama Institute, and says it is critical for moms to know proper boundaries and respect them, and follow sensible parental skill sets. “For mom to be able to listen, and to validate, to empathize, and also to set appropriate boundaries and limits where necessary because that’s what keeps kids safe.”
It may have been the laxity of the Baby Boomers and the style of parenting they developed that ushered in the trend of moms feeling the need of acceptance from their kids and attempting to become a best friend as opposed to a parent. “Lee limits, more privilege, more permission, probably showed up in the 70’s with that kind of cultural revolution. We got out of normal roles,” says Lees.
She says it’s important for parents to remember that kids thrive on structure.