Kenny Webster's Pursuit of Happiness

Kenny Webster's Pursuit of Happiness

Ken Webster is a talk radio personality and producer from Houston, TX. He started his career in Chicago on the Mancow show and has since worked at...Read More


Austin Liberals Make it Illegal to Throw Away Uneaten Food

Keep Austin Weird (& stupid).

Austin, Texas: the beacon of white liberalism in the Lone Star State. What Austin lacks in ethnic minorities, moderates and middle class taxpayers, they make up for with really ridiculous laws and rules.

Plastic bag bans? Government officials going after Uber? Naked guys riding unicycles? You'll find them all in Austin.

Austin has plenty of bizarre rules (see below) to accompany their bizarre people, but they insist on having more of both.

Starting next week, restaurants in Austin will no longer be allowed to "throw away food".

The liberal logic on this has less to do with people starving in the streets and more to do with being ecologically friendly. 

The law was inspired by a 2015 study that analyzed what's in Austin's trash. They concluded that 37% of you garbage sent to landfills came from businesses throwing away organic waste (food) that could have been donated or composted.

Donated used sushi? No thanks. The last time I checked nobody is starving in the streets of Austin and I have a hard time believing food waste is the biggest ecological disaster coming from Austin waste bins. 

Isn't food waste disposable? Yes, it is. If you throw out a cheese sandwich, it's not gonna exist in a few months regardless of whether or not you send it to a landfill. 

Meanwhile, Austin will end smelling worse than Calcutta on a summer day. 

So what's the point? 

This is another one of those laws that makes people feel good about themselves, but it doesn't actually accomplish anything. It's a solution to a problem that doesn't exist.

Heck, besides being pointless, it's also gonna be downright inconvenient for small business owners to haul all their food waste to a compost heap everyday. Gross. 

Follow the money trail, folks - somewhere a politician is getting paid by a compost heap disposal company or something to that effect (I'm just guessing - I have no idea if compost disposal services even exist, but they probably will now that there's a law).

But Austinites love pointless laws. 

Here's a short list of absurd things that have become laws in Austin over the years:

  • Criminals must notify their victims within 24 hours that they plan to commit a crime against them and the nature of the crime.
  • When two trains meet at a crossing, they both have to come to a full stop and cannot proceed until the other one has gone.
  • It is illegal to carry wire cutters in your pocket.
  • Loitering anywhere within the city limits with the intent of flirting is illegal.
  • Walking around barefoot without obtaining a permit is not allowed.
  • Spitting on the sidewalk is illegal.
  • You can technically legally marry someone by publicly introducing them as your spouse at least three times.
  • You can't tuck your jeans into your boots unless you own more than ten cattle.
  • Horses ridden at night must have tail lights attached.
  • It is illegal to go to church in disguise.
  • Spitting on your laundry is illegal.

You get the idea, and now you can add "Restaurants can't throw away uneaten food" to this stupid list.  So, Austin will begin to smell like a third world crap hole due to all the composting going on.

Keep Austin Stinky!

Photo by Getty Images

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