If you've made a New Year's resolution and it's already failed, wait! There's still hope! One relationship expert says maybe you didn't choose a realistic goal.
Of course, you're free to decide anything that your resolution should be -- something you should have done last year or something you really wish would come true, but Houston-area Relationship Coach Julie Nise says too often these goals are pie-in-the-sky wishes rather than realistic possibilities.
"I'm thinking for most people it would be a little more realistic to take smaller steps, more achievable medium- and short-range goals that don't seem so overwhelming.
"Because the truth of it is, it's hard to implement any large change. And sometimes that's done is small bits, y'know. How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time."
We all ger wrapped up in the idea of a new year, and that brings a certain unrealistic air to our resolutions, she says.
"It's kind of exciting, the page is turning, there are new opportunities, but you know when we wake up on January 2nd, we're still kind of caught up in the life we left behind December 31st."
That's why Ms. Nise (yes, pronounced like "Nice") says break your major goals like losing 30 pounds this year into achievable little bits...maybe tell yourself as a resolution you want to lose 3 pounds in the next week or two.
Then tell yourself how you plan to do it: "I'm going to cut down on my portion size, I'm gonna try to cut back on the sugar and the white flour and the sweets, and I'm going to get up and move now and then, and along the way I'm going to lose the weight and eventually I'm going to get to 50 pounds -- and along the way it doesn't seem like such a big deal," Ms. Nise suggests.
The idea is to build a plan that won't overwhelm you in the process of implementing it.
And always tilt your plan toward pleasure, because that's the easiest way to change habits.
"Any habit you want to change or develop typically takes two-to-four weeks," she says. That's about how long it often takes for a New Year's resolution to fail.
If you want to succeed, she says, it's like so many things: make it manageable.